Thousands of Grateful Dead fans experience what it’s like to be in an athletic arena

As thousands of Grateful Dead fans gathered for a two-day concert last week at CU’s Folsom field, the moment was especially surreal for CU grads who’d never imagined themselves on a football field.  “On the one hand, I’m psyched to see what’s left of my favorite band of all time. I’m psyched to bob my head to 700 of my favorite songs, one blending totally indiscernibly into the next, and I’m psyched to wear this hat for the first time since ’95,” said Chris Gimeen (CU, ’99).  “On the other hand, I’m standing on what I assume is a football field, at least it seems like it based on the grass and the seats all around me, and these white lines on the grass. It’s a Rumble in the Jungle moment: happy and tragic all at once, like when I tell a woman I still listen to the Grateful Dead. .”

Woman can’t wait for big day when she can start offering unsolicited advice to single friends

Bride-to-be Tiffani Peshersky is counting down the days until she ties the knot with boyfriend of 14 months, love of life, and soulmate Tyler Wolfson.  The two plan to marry at a mid-priced hotel, honeymoon at a beach in Mexico, and then spend the rest of their lives offering sanctimonious and unsolicited advice on love and happiness to their single friends. “I can’t wait to start hosting dinner parties for my single friends,” said Pershersky. “Finding a guy who will marry me has given me a completely elevated level of wisdom about love and dating and the general intentions of the universe. And now it’s my turn to give something back.”

Most accurate gender test to date based entirely on number of weather apps on iphone Jul08

Most accurate gender test to date based entirely on number of weather apps on iphone

“It’s nice to finally know for sure,” said Danny Wilder, who has 4 apps for observing doppler radar in real time, 1 for lightening strikes, 3 for snowfall totals and 1 for wind events.  “I was born a male, have always felt like a male, am biologically male, married a woman, and check ESPN.com about 12 times a day,” said Wilder.  “But like anyone, I occasionally had my doubts. As it turns out, I shouldn’t have been so worried. I’ve been 100% man ever since I started checking the dew point.”

Ironman backpack stands in for rare moments when triathlete isn’t talking about Ironman

On a whim, Ironman Michael Tomas bought an Ironman backpack last summer.  “I wasn’t even sure I would need it,” said Tomas, a 2015 finisher, “I have several other backpacks with better pocket placement and zipper functionality. “But what is nice about this bag is that when I’m not able to be talking to people about my Ironman -and there are still a couple of people who don’t know my splits by heart-  they can still look over at me and see the bag and be like, yeah, that guy must be an Ironman. I guess what I mean is, the backpack is a conversation starter that lets people know what I’ve been through, what I’m capable of, and what we’re going to be talking about when I finish drinking my electrolyte drink mix.”

Area Prairie Dog Signs Petition to Kill Rival Prairie Dog Colony Jul06

Area Prairie Dog Signs Petition to Kill Rival Prairie Dog Colony

A petition to save a colony of local prairie dogs is getting national attention because one of the signatures is simply to put an end to the dogs is a paw print of Randy, who is a fellow prairie dog in a rival colony. “Honestly, Gary is a dick. He pushed me in the finals of last years soccer final and revenge is best served by the Boulder City Council.” Other prairie dogs would not come out of their holes in a Little League field for comment. (WanderHyde)

Social outcast not interested in talking about Game of Thrones May20

Social outcast not interested in talking about Game of Thrones

Friends looked helplessly at one another Sunday when Megan Rogers got up to go to the bathroom right in the middle of an important conversation about Game of Thrones. “We used to like Megan when we were into Downton Abbey. She was the kind of person you could talk to. That was the old Megan.” But I have to be honest, now that she’s told everyone she’s not ‘into’ GOT, it’s hard to know what to say to her, if anything.”    

Cold, rainy weather gives climber day off to masturbate all morning May20

Cold, rainy weather gives climber day off to masturbate all morning

Cold, gloomy boulder weather over the weekend gave local rock climber Justin Posen a chance to catch up on some much needed masturbation. “I don’t love cold weather,” admitted Posen on Saturday, “but I do love Game of Thrones, and I do love lying in bed until noon jerking off.”   (JB, sort of)