Ashley Madison user forced to tearfully admit to still using aol Aug25

Ashley Madison user forced to tearfully admit to still using aol

After being caught redhanded on Ashley Madison, user  Chester Longbert was forced to admit to still having an aol email account. “I’m not proud of this moment,” said Longbert in an Instant Message  sent to reporters Monday. “I’ve been meaning for a long time to  upgrade my email service, but obviously I’ve made some poor decisions. Those bad decisions are going to stop today, starting with me signing up for Hotmail.”

Pasta Jays preps garlic bread topping in advance of CU move-in weekend

“It’s a big weekend for Pasta Jays,” said head chef Mark Martinez Thursday, as he stirred a 37 gallon vat of garlic bread topping.  “You wouldn’t guess it, but move-in weekend is number actually my #2 garlic bread weekend. The Nebraska game weekend is easily number one. I keep thinking we’re going to slow down, but I think it’s impossible to come to the middle of Colorado  without thinking “authentic Italian food.”  I don’t mean to complain. I’m guessing Lachlan is dealing with his own steaming vat of garlic bread topping right now, which is somewhat comforting.”

Woman reluctantly admits to love of laughter Aug19

Woman reluctantly admits to love of laughter

“I didn’t think I’d ever find someone else who loves to laugh,” admitted Nick Flemming Thursday, as he enthusiastically swiped right. “And then I saw Nicole’s profile. I was initially reluctant because I noticed that she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. But then I noticed that she loves adventure, which explains why she wouldn’t want to be constrained by a seatbelt.  But seatbelt or no seatbelt, when it comes down to it, I too love to laugh and hope that I can find a life partner that is always laughing. Laughing, taking spin classes, swimming, and laughing some more. And, of course, sitting in a parked car with no seatbelt taking selfies.”

Coffee shop installs bag dispenser for your new App idea

Last week, several Boulder baristas and baristos took it upon themselves to do something about a situation that was becoming intolerable. “We had to trade 13 scones for this dispenser, but we wanted one that wasn’t going to break or run out of bags,” said barista Teri Pater.  “You’d be surprised at how many people come in here with an app idea they want to throw around, and then  they might have 2 or 3 more app ideas once they finish their double Americano.  We just figured, someone has to do something with the app ideas, and it’s not going to be them.  Here’s our suggestion: take a free bag.”

Fart is as excited as anyone about the end of yoga class

“I feel guilty saying this, but this yoga class had better end really fucking soon because I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” said a fart in Monday’s 6:00AM Vinyasa 2 class as it desperately  clutched the walls of Elaine  Rolling’s descending colon. “I don’t mean to diminish the importance of  yoga in my own spiritual and interpersonal growth, or my genuine affection for plow pose, but for the love of all things holy, please let me out of here.”

Hula hooper hopes to bring out inner pervert in everyone

“One of the things I like most about taking off most of my clothes, covering my body in oil and gyrating my hips is that it simultaneously screams “kids’ play time!” and “let’s have sex!” said Hula Hoop artist Geenya Moon-Star.  “It’s just this kind of conflation of childhood and adulthood that makes Hooping a perfect activity for fun-for-the-family events like daytime concerts, festivals or even just a sunny day on the walking mall when you think no one is going to be nude.  One second, you’re watching me and are reminded about how much fun you had hula hooping as a kid, and the next minute you’re watching me and wondering – well – if you really should have been doing this as a kid.”    

ElliptiGO offers low impact alternative to dating members of opposite sex

Lou Flecker bought his first ElliptiGO several months ago, after a calf injury threatened to prevent him from training for the long distance runs he’s been doing for years. But even after the injury healed, Flecker was hooked. “It’s one of those new sports you hesitate to pick up because of the pricetag and also because you have to rent a spare garage to store the equipment,” said Flecker in an interview Friday.  “But, like running, it’s easy to get addicted. There are also lots of benefits you don’t have with other sports. For starters, how often can you bring your Men’s Health magazine with you on a run? Second, it’s easy on your joints. And last but not least, all you have to do is own the ElliptiGO and it’s about 1000% guaranteed that you never again have to worry about getting anyone pregnant.”