Social outcast not interested in talking about Game of Thrones May20

Social outcast not interested in talking about Game of Thrones

Friends looked helplessly at one another Sunday when Megan Rogers got up to go to the bathroom right in the middle of an important conversation about Game of Thrones. “We used to like Megan when we were into Downton Abbey. She was the kind of person you could talk to. That was the old Megan.” But I have to be honest, now that she’s told everyone she’s not ‘into’ GOT, it’s hard to know what to say to her, if anything.”    

Cold, rainy weather gives climber day off to masturbate all morning May20

Cold, rainy weather gives climber day off to masturbate all morning

Cold, gloomy boulder weather over the weekend gave local rock climber Justin Posen a chance to catch up on some much needed masturbation. “I don’t love cold weather,” admitted Posen on Saturday, “but I do love Game of Thrones, and I do love lying in bed until noon jerking off.”   (JB, sort of)

Boulder power couple finishes 98 minute movie in just 71:30

Boulder power couple Ted and Tiffany Roy finished The Legend of Hercules, a 1:39 movie, in just under 72 minutes Saturday night.  “We were going for 68, but nevertheless, we’re both pretty happy with the result,” said Tiffany, who added that it was their third fastest time, allowing them to get to bed by 8:30.  “It was also a pretty incredible film,” they both agreed. “Hercules is half-God, half-man, as you may know,” said Ted. “So I guess you can see why something like that might resonate with us.” (credit: TR, I think)

Waylon also “not crazy” about bathroom tile selection at Ozo

“I have a fair amount of concerns about the changes new Trident owners might make to a coffee shop which I have come to consider my own,” Trident patron Waylon Stewart disclosed to the Daily Camera Monday – raising eyebrows about what he might be talking about and why anyone should care. But Stewart had more to say in a press release Tuesday in which he gently suggested that while neighboring Ozo was a step up from Bart’s Record Shop, and had the best customer service in town, he wasn’t crazy about the tile color in the men’s room. “I know it’s supposed to be eggshell white,” he wrote, “but it comes off as more of a vanilla. I don’t think anyone wants to see these kinds of well-intended mistakes continue happening to a town we all care deeply about, though clearly, no one more than I.”

Younger child included in all-cash offer for Boulder home Apr27

Younger child included in all-cash offer for Boulder home

“It’s a real fixer-upper,” warned Skip Fulmer before showing his family the Martin Acres home he’d just put an offer on.  “But once we include Harriet in the all-cash, 20% over-asking price offer, I think we can probably make two bedrooms work.” Fulmer added that he wouldn’t ordinarily give away a child, but Google is going to be coming to Boulder.

Boxcar named best place for someone else to buy you cup of coffee

In a town known for competitive coffee brewing, Boxcar has earned its place as the best place for someone else to buy you a cup of coffee. “This wasn’t an easy decision for me,” said taster Fiona Beecher, 30, who conveniently forgot her wallet at several coffee shops before eventually deciding on Boxcar.  “If I’m meeting someone who seems like they have a fairly blue collar job, I’ll forget my wallet at Ozo, but if it’s one of those days where I need a cappuccino, a couple of doughnuts, a croissant, one of those homemade powerbars and a bag of coffee beans for my house — it’s Boxcar, hands down, every time.”

In sharp protest of recent 9/11 bill, Saudi official threatens to give tablecloths back to Skippers restaurant Apr17

In sharp protest of recent 9/11 bill, Saudi official threatens to give tablecloths back to Skippers restaurant

The Saudi Arabian government has threatened to to return hundreds of billions of dollars’ worth of cheap picnic table style restaurant tablecloths should the U.S. Congress pass a bill that could hold the kingdom responsible for any role in the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks, the New York Times reported on Friday. “We had no role in the 9/11 attacks,” said a spokesman for the totalitarian regime Thursday. “I don’t know how else we can say we’re innocent, other than trying to bribe and threaten you if you try to investigate us,” he said.  “Also, we’re giving back these fucking tablecloths.”