Homeless man and Amy Poehler agree that “taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting” Dec02

Homeless man and Amy Poehler agree that “taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting”

Amy Poehler writes in her new book Yes, Please! that taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting. “These are words to live by” said James Riehner, a local alcoholic drug addict. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. Anyone who tells you to  play by the rules and take the predictable, reliable route in life hasn’t seen the excitement of a knife fight under a bridge at 4am in 20 degree weather conducted entirely with shards of glass.”

Another Black Friday lost to ebay bidding war over used Rapha bibs

James Rogers breathed a sigh of relief today as he put in the last and final bid for a pair of used Rapha bibs.  ”Did I spend a little more than I wanted to on a used chamois? Maybe.Were there other things I could have been doing with 7 hours? Probably. Is a 100% wool chamois impractical? Possibly,” said Rogers. “But when you see something you want in life, you have to go after it. That’s how I felt about my wife, and that’s how I feel about these slightly broken in bibs. I have to say that bidding against so many other committed cyclists today brought out my competitive gotta-get-out-in-front spirit, the same spirit that makes me the right person to ride around in Rapha chamois hoping someone notices the logo.”    

Seventeen short years later, Habitat for Humanity home nears completion Nov28

Seventeen short years later, Habitat for Humanity home nears completion

Just seventeen years after breaking ground in the Holiday neighborhood, Habitat for Humanity has nearly completed the home they set out to build in 1997 for the Cory family.  ”We are thrilled to be putting a nearly final coat of hunter green paint on this close-to-finished home today,” said Habitat representative Judy Mallory in a statement Friday. “We spared nothing to make this house a home.  Design features include wall-to-wall white carpeting,  oak cabinetry and a whirlpool tub shaped like a dolphin.” She added that the Corys, who have since retired and moved to Scottsdale, would probably have loved the home.

Boxcar and lululemon team up to create coffee drink that makes you feel poor, overweight

Boxcar™ and lululemon ™ are teaming up to create an end-of-summer specialty drink featuring a combination of the Kenya Kirimahiga ™ beans and the smell of milk (or sugar).  The specialty coffee drink is made from handpicked beans that have experienced the high altitude Boilermaker ™ brewing method designed to brew a perfect™ cup of coffee at a lower boiling temperature by immersing the grounds in boiling water™.  “What I love about this coffee is that the coffee grounds have been immersed in boiling water,” said lululemon’s Amanda Sage. “I can almost guarantee that this cup of coffee will be the best $12 you ever spend, unless you’re counting the lululemon ™ foam block™.”

Mortified Burning Man reveler can’t believe he left unicorn costume back in Boulder

Suddenly self-conscious in gold  lamé boxer briefs and suspenders, Burning Man reveler Mark Sanders found himself wishing he’d remembered the unicorn outfit back in his south Boulder bedroom.  “I feel like an idiot right now,” said Sanders. ” I can see the pubic hair from my testicles poking out of these  shorts. I wish someone would have said something before we left the Winnebago.  I could have at least changed into my cow-print unitard.”

Starving sub-saharan African child eagerly awaits Tom’s Birds of Paradise Vegan Platform wedges Sep03

Starving sub-saharan African child eagerly awaits Tom’s Birds of Paradise Vegan Platform wedges

“I’m fairly hungry and anxious about diseases like Malaria and Trypanosomiasis,” said eight-year old Abimbola Aziz Yfusu from a mat on the floor of her mud hut on Sunday.  ”But who doesn’t love shoes?  I’m just hoping for two things other than not getting Ebola. First, Tom’s Birds of Paradise Vegan Platform Wedges. And second, that the wedges smell better than Tom’s classic canvas slip ons.”