Woman can’t wait for big day when she can start offering unsolicited advice to single friends

Bride-to-be Tiffani Peshersky is counting down the days until she ties the knot with boyfriend of 14 months, love of life, and soulmate Tyler Wolfson.  The two plan to marry at a mid-priced hotel, honeymoon at a beach in Mexico, and then spend the rest of their lives offering sanctimonious and unsolicited advice on love and happiness to their single friends. “I can’t wait to start hosting dinner parties for my single friends,” said Pershersky. “Finding a guy who will marry me has given me a completely elevated level of wisdom about love and dating and the general intentions of the universe. And now it’s my turn to give something back.”

Boulder power couple finishes 98 minute movie in just 71:30

Boulder power couple Ted and Tiffany Roy finished The Legend of Hercules, a 1:39 movie, in just under 72 minutes Saturday night.  “We were going for 68, but nevertheless, we’re both pretty happy with the result,” said Tiffany, who added that it was their third fastest time, allowing them to get to bed by 8:30.  “It was also a pretty incredible film,” they both agreed. “Hercules is half-God, half-man, as you may know,” said Ted. “So I guess you can see why something like that might resonate with us.” (credit: TR, I think)

After long afternoon at Aspen Tan, Trump stops by GOP debate

Boulder – While a few of the Republican candidates studied up on the particulars of their tax plans or rehearsed touching lines such as, “The best policy..is to let people rise and fall based on how good they are,”  at least one of the candidates was taking a nap at the Aspen Tan all afternoon. “I couldn’t come to Boulder and not stop by Aspen Tan,” said Trump, “plus it’s right next to my favorite restaurant, the California Pizza Kitchen.” (cc)

Putin’s approval rating hits all time high of 120%

Russian President Vladimir Putin’s approval ratings soared to an all-time high of 120% this week, a standing ovation for a man who’s helped send eastern Europe into crisis, who aided in shooting down a passenger jet and who is about to invade the democratic country of Ukraine.  “I was a little shocked myself when I saw the survey responses start to trickle in” said the 14 year President. “I was hoping to see them somewhere in the ballpark of 130 or 140%. Oh well, I guess there’s always next year, or the year after, or the year after that.”

Hector, the Sea Otter on Frontier plane tail, going around telling everyone that Harriet the Fox is a slut

“You didn’t hear it from me, but Harriet the Fox is a total slutbag,” Hector the Sea Otter has been going around telling ground crew following a bitter split. “Take off those headphones for a second and listen to what I’m saying. I’m only telling you this because you look like a nice person and because I like Harriet and don’t want to see her get hurt. Harriet is a whore and a tramp. You get the picture. A strumpet.”

Working hard and playing even harder never gets boring to talk about

“I would describe myself as the kind of guy who likes to work hard and play even harder,” said BldrOutDoorGuy4u over a white wine spritzer and cheese-free flatbread on a date at Laudisio on Friday. “And what I mean by that is that my philosophy on life is that you have to work hard to play hard and play hard to work hard. You know what I mean? Have you seen my calves?”