Ashley Madison user forced to tearfully admit to still using aol Aug25

Ashley Madison user forced to tearfully admit to still using aol

After being caught redhanded on Ashley Madison, user  Chester Longbert was forced to admit to still having an aol email account. “I’m not proud of this moment,” said Longbert in an Instant Message  sent to reporters Monday. “I’ve been meaning for a long time to  upgrade my email service, but obviously I’ve made some poor decisions. Those bad decisions are going to stop today, starting with me signing up for Hotmail.”

Woman reluctantly admits to love of laughter Aug19

Woman reluctantly admits to love of laughter

“I didn’t think I’d ever find someone else who loves to laugh,” admitted Nick Flemming Thursday, as he enthusiastically swiped right. “And then I saw Nicole’s profile. I was initially reluctant because I noticed that she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. But then I noticed that she loves adventure, which explains why she wouldn’t want to be constrained by a seatbelt.  But seatbelt or no seatbelt, when it comes down to it, I too love to laugh and hope that I can find a life partner that is always laughing. Laughing, taking spin classes, swimming, and laughing some more. And, of course, sitting in a parked car with no seatbelt taking selfies.”

Nibbles wants to know where Bunga Bunga party will be

When Vicenzo “Nibbles” Nibali crossed the finish line of the Tour earlier today, he became the first Italian to win a Tour de France in 16 years. The victory was shared by fans all over the world who were rooting for the Italian, at least one of which was a hamster with the same nickname.  “I had to watch. I don’t care if I’m the only one who is,” wrote Nibbles Schmeckenhoffer on his Facebook page.  “Anyway, now that Italy finally has something to celebrate, will someone please show me the Campari, fake volcanos and underage prostitutes, cause I’m  ready to party!”

Email goes unchecked for 57 straight seconds Dec02

Email goes unchecked for 57 straight seconds

“Sorry I’ve been so hard to get a hold of for the past 57 seconds,” wrote Sara Trebby in an email Friday. ” Sometimes I just let my inbox get away from me.”

Hector, the Sea Otter on Frontier plane tail, going around telling everyone that Harriet the Fox is a slut

“You didn’t hear it from me, but Harriet the Fox is a total slutbag,” Hector the Sea Otter has been going around telling ground crew following a bitter split. “Take off those headphones for a second and listen to what I’m saying. I’m only telling you this because you look like a nice person and because I like Harriet and don’t want to see her get hurt. Harriet is a whore and a tramp. You get the picture. A strumpet.”

Lazy chimpanzee sits around eating carbs all day

“It’s not that I don’t care about my fitness,” said the closest human ancestor on Friday. “I want to look good and feel good. I read that I’m genetically engineered to eat a hunter gatherer diet, rich in meats, and low on fruit. And here I am sitting around getting 50% of my calories from figs and bananas. I feel like a piece of crap.  Starting tomorrow, it’s chicken eggs, grass fed beef and chocolate pudding made out of avocados.”