Boulder woman who hasn’t looked at newspaper in 6 months convinced that 2016 going to be “best year yet” Jan01

Boulder woman who hasn’t looked at newspaper in 6 months convinced that 2016 going to be “best year yet”

Connie Jenkins, who has not seen a newspaper or turned on the TV news for at least six months, announced on Facebook Friday that 2016 is going to be the best year yet. “I just have that feeling that now that we have terrorism and climate change pretty much under control, everything from here on out is just coasting,” wrote Jenkins. “2016 is going to be the best one yet.”

Nation’s newspapers confirm that Canada still up there Oct24

Nation’s newspapers confirm that Canada still up there

As news broke last week that there had been an election in Canada and that someone had won that election, North Americans took comfort that Canada was still up there.  “It’s not that I am deeply invested in the outcome of their elections,” said CU Assistant Professor Ben Lawrence.  “But it is nice to know that everything is running smoothly up there. My only suggestion would be that instead of taking up US newspaper space with meaningless details about their new Prime Minister blah blah blah, they could just do an annual email. You know, something like ‘still ok, all good, take it easy’ just to keep us up to date on Canadian affairs.”

Nation growing weary of waiting for far North Broomfield to connect to Sheridan underpass

For hikers, bikers, and runners and commuters alike — the Broomfield Trail just became more connected. “Broomfield residents who are growing tired of getting in their cars every time they want to pay a visit to the Sheridan underpass just got an early Christmas present,” said Cindy Aries, Deputy director of Broomfield Open Space and Trails at a ribbon cutting ceremony held earlier today. “This isn’t just a victory for dogwalkers and rollerbladers. It’s a victory for all of us who are ready to take the car culture out of suburbia.  Now, for families who want to go to Costco but don’t want to pollute the environment, there’s a better, carbon neutral option. And that option is a bicycle with a huge, huge cart dragging behind it.”

ISIS women’s clothing line to rethink new line of teen wedding dresses Sep21

ISIS women’s clothing line to rethink new line of teen wedding dresses

ISIS outdoor women’s gear may not be launching its much awaited line of teen and pre-teen wedding dresses after all.  “It’s just a little unclear whether the timing is right for this particular line right now,” said spokesperson Janet Eckles. “We like the cuts, we love the color concepts, but based on initial feedback, we worry that this might turn out to be the most controversial launch since we tried to do paisley ski parkas.”

Boulder urban renewal to create safe neighborhoods for upper upper-middle class whites

While many Boulder residents are welcoming downtown urban renewal projects with excitement, some are worried about what rising home prices will do to the character of neighborhoods. “We value having residents who shop at Alfalfas, but also having residents who shop at Whole Foods,” said downtown Boulder neighborhood association member Nick Healy.  “The question is, how can we attract upper upper-middle class residents without forcing out the middle-upper class?”

Release of “The Interview” has Americans asking themselves if they value freedom of speech enough to sit through James Franco movie

While millions of Americans applauded Sony’s decision to release “The Interview” into theaters, it put most of them in the awkward position of feeling like now they had an obligation to watch the film. “My desire not to see James Franco act or speak on camera is competing with my sense of patriotic duty right now,” said Boulder’s Pete Edgar on Friday. “It’s the classic Phantom Menace dilemma: can I still call myself an American without actually watching this movie?”