ISIS women’s clothing line to rethink new line of teen wedding dresses Sep21

ISIS women’s clothing line to rethink new line of teen wedding dresses

ISIS outdoor women’s gear may not be launching its much awaited line of teen and pre-teen wedding dresses after all.  “It’s just a little unclear whether the timing is right for this particular line right now,” said spokesperson Janet Eckles. “We like the cuts, we love the color concepts, but based on initial feedback, we worry that this might turn out to be the most controversial launch since we tried to do paisley ski parkas.”

Boulder urban renewal to create safe neighborhoods for upper upper-middle class whites

While many Boulder residents are welcoming downtown urban renewal projects with excitement, some are worried about what rising home prices will do to the character of neighborhoods. “We value having residents who shop at Alfalfas, but also having residents who shop at Whole Foods,” said downtown Boulder neighborhood association member Nick Healy.  “The question is, how can we attract upper upper-middle class residents without forcing out the middle-upper class?”

Release of “The Interview” has Americans asking themselves if they value freedom of speech enough to sit through James Franco movie

While millions of Americans applauded Sony’s decision to release “The Interview” into theaters, it put most of them in the awkward position of feeling like now they had an obligation to watch the film. “My desire not to see James Franco act or speak on camera is competing with my sense of patriotic duty right now,” said Boulder’s Pete Edgar on Friday. “It’s the classic Phantom Menace dilemma: can I still call myself an American without actually watching this movie?”        

Out of better ideas, US sends Serena Williams to clean up situation in Iraq Aug28

Out of better ideas, US sends Serena Williams to clean up situation in Iraq

BAGHDAD — Sunni militants consolidated and extended their control over northern Iraq on Wednesday, seizing Tikrit, the hometown of Saddam Hussein, threatening the strategic oil refining town of Baiji and pushing south toward Baghdad, their ultimate target, Iraqi sources said. “Basically, this entire situation has gone to complete shit and we have no idea what to do next,” said one high ranking US official.  “So we’re playing our last card.” Williams, who is suffering from a knee injury, will stay until Tuesday to pick up where the US military, CIA and State Department and Peshmerga left off.

Putin’s approval rating hits all time high of 120%

Russian President Vladimir Putin’s approval ratings soared to an all-time high of 120% this week, a standing ovation for a man who’s helped send eastern Europe into crisis, who aided in shooting down a passenger jet and who is about to invade the democratic country of Ukraine.  “I was a little shocked myself when I saw the survey responses start to trickle in” said the 14 year President. “I was hoping to see them somewhere in the ballpark of 130 or 140%. Oh well, I guess there’s always next year, or the year after, or the year after that.”

Hobby Lobby cashier not crazy about switching to the rhythm method

Ethel Horner of Broomfield’s Hobby Lobby is concerned about a recent supreme court decision that could mean that Plan B will no longer by covered by her employer.  “At $40 for every broken condom, you do the math,” said Horner. “It starts to add up pretty fast.”