Study: 97% of the time woman leaves room, man farts Oct18

Study: 97% of the time woman leaves room, man farts

A new study published in the New England Journal Of Medicine Tuesday reveals just how frequently men are farting when a woman leaves the room. The study reported that men are farting 97 out of every 100 times a woman gets up to go to another room, about 10% more often than most people thought.  “We need to qualify the findings,” cautioned one of the co-authors of the study. “First of all, these are early findings.  Second, we’re not talking about actual numbers of farts, or even the type of fart, but just whether or not there was a fart. Still, it’s a little troubling. I think most of us would have guessed the numbers would be much, much lower, maybe 70, 80% at most.”

Apple introduces new “adopt your own Chinese teen” program that includes new iphone every month

Last week Apple introduced an upgrade program available in Apple Stores in the U.S. that will allow buyers to enter into a 24-month payment plan with an option to upgrade for a new iPhone every year. It starts at $32 per month and includes AppleCare+. Then yesterday the company introduced the upgrade++  plan.  For $42 each month, Apple explained, you not only get AppleCare+ but you also get a dedicated Chinese teenager whose waking hours will be spent making you a new iPhone each month.

Fart is as excited as anyone about the end of yoga class

“I feel guilty saying this, but this yoga class had better end really fucking soon because I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” said a fart in Monday’s 6:00AM Vinyasa 2 class as it desperately  clutched the walls of Elaine  Rolling’s descending colon. “I don’t mean to diminish the importance of  yoga in my own spiritual and interpersonal growth, or my genuine affection for plow pose, but for the love of all things holy, please let me out of here.”

iTunes 11.3 (53) update simultaneously interrupted by both and 11.3 (54) and 11.3 (55)

“I lost track of which iTunes version I was on in 2004,” said Kerry McConnolly Wednesday as she attempted to get up to date on her iTunes versions. “I don’t want to be the one still using iTunes 11.3 (53) when everyone else is on 11.5 (98),” said McConnolly, 34. “So here I am, just kind of wandering around in a fog with my Air Jordans on and no idea what version I’m even running. Then I start downloading updates.  I just tell myself that if I keep downloading, eventually my songs will appear in a list on my screen. And when I click one, it will play. Well, you never know.”

Computrainer class takes blue pill

Choosing the blue pill Friday, a team of CAC members simulated a a bike ride in a small, dark room where their legs’ power output was digitally reproduced in a fictional, unblemished universe where better-looking avatars competed for top speeds on illusory roads. As cyclist Tonhee Rolls plugged into the computer system Friday, she explained the choice. “First of all, I don’t eat red dye number 5. Second, the blue pill? Guess what? Zero carbs.”

NCAR scientists get loose Dec27

NCAR scientists get loose

When four scientists slipped out from behind their triple screen monitors Tuesday, most of their co-workers thought they were going to the cafeteria for coffee, or maybe a plastic container of instant pudding.”I never would have imagined that they would just walk out of the building like that, in broad daylight, no NCAR mini-bus in sight,” said Hal Shephard, Deputy Lead Project Manager with the Department of Atmospheric Science. “I just hope that they take advantage of this break to have a good time, get some drinks and maybe do a little shopping at the wizard store.”