Computrainer class takes blue pill

Choosing the blue pill Friday, a team of CAC members simulated a a bike ride in a small, dark room where their legs’ power output was digitally reproduced in a fictional, unblemished universe where better-looking avatars competed for top speeds on illusory roads. As cyclist Tonhee Rolls plugged into the computer system Friday, she explained the choice. ”First of all, I don’t eat red dye number 5. Second, the blue pill? Guess what? Zero carbs.”

Woman dropped during spin class Dec14

Woman dropped during spin class

Just when Fran Spalanker thought spin class couldn’t get any closer to simulating a group ride, she got dropped Tuesday by the rest of class. “It was a zone 3 & 4 day” explained the instructor. “We don’t like to drop anyone in spin, but Fran was having trouble keeping up. I think the problem was that when everyone else was making quarter turns to the right, Fran was making 1/6 of a turn to the right. She didn’t think anyone would notice, but she was wrong.”

Another Black Friday lost to ebay bidding war over used Rapha bibs

James Rogers breathed a sigh of relief today as he put in the last and final bid for a pair of used Rapha bibs.  ”Did I spend a little more than I wanted to on a used chamois? Maybe.Were there other things I could have been doing with 7 hours? Probably. Is a 100% wool chamois impractical? Possibly,” said Rogers. “But when you see something you want in life, you have to go after it. That’s how I felt about my wife, and that’s how I feel about these slightly broken in bibs. I have to say that bidding against so many other committed cyclists today brought out my competitive gotta-get-out-in-front spirit, the same spirit that makes me the right person to ride around in Rapha chamois hoping someone notices the logo.”    

Boxcar and lululemon team up to create coffee drink that makes you feel poor, overweight

Boxcar™ and lululemon ™ are teaming up to create an end-of-summer specialty drink featuring a combination of the Kenya Kirimahiga ™ beans and the smell of milk (or sugar).  The specialty coffee drink is made from handpicked beans that have experienced the high altitude Boilermaker ™ brewing method designed to brew a perfect™ cup of coffee at a lower boiling temperature by immersing the grounds in boiling water™.  “What I love about this coffee is that the coffee grounds have been immersed in boiling water,” said lululemon’s Amanda Sage. “I can almost guarantee that this cup of coffee will be the best $12 you ever spend, unless you’re counting the lululemon ™ foam block™.”

Mortified Burning Man reveler can’t believe he left unicorn costume back in Boulder

Suddenly self-conscious in gold  lamé boxer briefs and suspenders, Burning Man reveler Mark Sanders found himself wishing he’d remembered the unicorn outfit back in his south Boulder bedroom.  “I feel like an idiot right now,” said Sanders. ” I can see the pubic hair from my testicles poking out of these  shorts. I wish someone would have said something before we left the Winnebago.  I could have at least changed into my cow-print unitard.”

Local woman celebrates progression of relationship into ugly bra phase Sep03

Local woman celebrates progression of relationship into ugly bra phase

Tina Cooper signaled Friday to boyfriend Scott that she was ready to take their relationship to the next level by peeling off her shirt to reveal a stained and fraying pink sports bra that she’d gotten as a hand-me-down from a college roommate.  Just the night before, she’d crammed the two Victoria’s Secret push up bras she’d been alternating to the back of the underwear drawer.  “I don’t want to say I’ll never need these again,” said Cooper, a new spring in her step and faint body odor emanating from the bra. “I know that it’s possible we could breakup some day and I’d have to go back out into the dating world. But I’m hoping Scott understands as well as I do what this move means for us.”