“I must have gotten caught up in the glamour of North Korea,” Rodman told reporters Sunday. “I don’t know what else to say. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“At first I thought  to myself, who wants to see a bunch of half-naked 20-something year old girls bending over in sheer pants?” said Ronald Tims, “but I am slowly warming up to the idea.”

After watching volunteers dress up in superhero costumes and dive into 32 degree water Sunday morning, many special olympians reported feeling that they were no longer the most special ones in the room. “We all appreciate their fundraising efforts and their dedication to the Special Olympics,” said one athlete, “but at some point you kind of have to wonder, is something wrong with these people?”

What Oprah and Lance Armstrong both thought was going to be just another ordinary trip to the apothecary waiting room turned into much more on Thursday morning. “There I was, sipping my water  out of a bendy straw and minding my own business, when in walks Oprah,”  said Armstrong in a series of tweets  on Friday. “It was a hard conversation for me to have, and an even harder conversation for my publicist to watch, but it was time for me to have a long hard look at that guy who did some pretty terrible things a long time ago when everyone else was doing them too. And for that, he’s sorry.”

“I didn’t know what my life was missing until I found myself underwater  in a pond full of ice where I had to swim under a wooden plank and find my way out before I became hypothermic,” said Tough Mudder enthusiast Rachel Kelleher. “Now I  know what it’s like to live  in Afghanistan or Bosnia or some other war zone. Sure – dodging land mines isn’t the most fun in the world, but what I want to tell those people over there is that in the end it’s worth it from the sense of satisfaction you get from teamwork.”

Denver Bronco Cheerleaders released their annual calendar this week – exciting fans in and out of the stands.  ”Nothing gets me more riled up for a football game than going into my bathroom for a good long look at which days of the month go with which days of the week,” said calendar purchaser Brett Robbins. “What’s so great about football for me is that I can get pumped up about our home team even though I’ve never watched a football game in my life, and never would.”