Hula hooper hopes to bring out inner pervert in everyone

“One of the things I like most about taking off most of my clothes, covering my body in oil and gyrating my hips is that it simultaneously screams “kids’ play time!” and “let’s have sex!” said Hula Hoop artist Geenya Moon-Star.  ”It’s just this kind of conflation of childhood and adulthood that makes Hooping a perfect activity for fun-for-the-family events like daytime concerts, festivals or even just a sunny day on the walking mall when you think no one is going to be nude.  One second, you’re watching me and are reminded about how much fun you had hula hooping as a kid, and the next minute you’re watching me and wondering – well – if you really should have been doing this as a kid.”    

ElliptiGO offers low impact alternative to dating members of opposite sex

Lou Flecker bought his first ElliptiGO several months ago, after a calf injury threatened to prevent him from training for the long distance runs he’s been doing for years. But even after the injury healed, Flecker was hooked. “It’s one of those new sports you hesitate to pick up because of the pricetag and also because you have to rent a spare garage to store the equipment,” said Flecker in an interview Friday.  “But, like running, it’s easy to get addicted. There are also lots of benefits you don’t have with other sports. For starters, how often can you bring your Men’s Health magazine with you on a run? Second, it’s easy on your joints. And last but not least, all you have to do is own the ElliptiGO and it’s about 1000% guaranteed that you never again have to worry about getting anyone pregnant.”

Computrainer class takes blue pill

Choosing the blue pill Friday, a team of CAC members simulated a a bike ride in a small, dark room where their legs’ power output was digitally reproduced in a fictional, unblemished universe where better-looking avatars competed for top speeds on illusory roads. As cyclist Tonhee Rolls plugged into the computer system Friday, she explained the choice. ”First of all, I don’t eat red dye number 5. Second, the blue pill? Guess what? Zero carbs.”

Woman dropped during spin class Dec14

Woman dropped during spin class

Just when Fran Spalanker thought spin class couldn’t get any closer to simulating a group ride, she got dropped Tuesday by the rest of class. “It was a zone 3 & 4 day” explained the instructor. “We don’t like to drop anyone in spin, but Fran was having trouble keeping up. I think the problem was that when everyone else was making quarter turns to the right, Fran was making 1/6 of a turn to the right. She didn’t think anyone would notice, but she was wrong.”

Another Black Friday lost to ebay bidding war over used Rapha bibs

James Rogers breathed a sigh of relief today as he put in the last and final bid for a pair of used Rapha bibs.  ”Did I spend a little more than I wanted to on a used chamois? Maybe.Were there other things I could have been doing with 7 hours? Probably. Is a 100% wool chamois impractical? Possibly,” said Rogers. “But when you see something you want in life, you have to go after it. That’s how I felt about my wife, and that’s how I feel about these slightly broken in bibs. I have to say that bidding against so many other committed cyclists today brought out my competitive gotta-get-out-in-front spirit, the same spirit that makes me the right person to ride around in Rapha chamois hoping someone notices the logo.”    

Boxcar and lululemon team up to create coffee drink that makes you feel poor, overweight

Boxcar™ and lululemon ™ are teaming up to create an end-of-summer specialty drink featuring a combination of the Kenya Kirimahiga ™ beans and the smell of milk (or sugar).  The specialty coffee drink is made from handpicked beans that have experienced the high altitude Boilermaker ™ brewing method designed to brew a perfect™ cup of coffee at a lower boiling temperature by immersing the grounds in boiling water™.  “What I love about this coffee is that the coffee grounds have been immersed in boiling water,” said lululemon’s Amanda Sage. “I can almost guarantee that this cup of coffee will be the best $12 you ever spend, unless you’re counting the lululemon ™ foam block™.”