Oxygen bar gift card perfect gift for man who really, really likes oxygen

For last minute Christmas shoppers looking for the perfect gift to get the man who has everything, local 02 enthusiast Brian Nileman recommends a gift card to an oxygen bar. “If there is one gift no man can get enough of, it’s oxygen,” said Nileman. “Now what other gift can you say that about?”

RTD: Next phase of 36 project to include attaching your genitals to live electrical wires

The U.S. 36 project is a CDOT-led effort that will bring 18 miles of Bus Rapid Transit service between Downtown Denver and Boulder. The FasTracks project has so far impressed thousands of drivers who initially thought they wanted a train, but have since been won over by the idea of a second bus lane that will be ready in 2036.  ”I can’t say I’ve enjoyed massive daytime delays and night time luge-track driving conditions while bright lights are shone directly into my eyes,” said commuter Mike Aguilar. “But I am trying to keep an open mind about the second phase of 36 construction, which, as I understand it, involves the attachment of live electric wires to my genitalia.”

Jesus secretly hoping for LuLu Lemon yoga pants on birthday

“Two-thousand thirteen is a big one, which is why I’m hoping someone will think to pick up a pair of LuLu Lemon Kung Fu Pants (33×32, stone),” said Jesus, who admitted the pants were extremely overpriced, but adorable. “The mind body connection that comes from yoga is so much more than just stretching,” said the son of God Tuesday. “But stretching is a big part of yoga, and my robe keeps flopping up during headstand and exposing my junk.”

Email goes unchecked for 57 straight seconds Dec02

Email goes unchecked for 57 straight seconds

“Sorry I’ve been so hard to get a hold of for the past 57 seconds,” wrote Sara Trebby in an email Friday. “ Sometimes I just let my inbox get away from me.”

Black Friday fight erupts at Celestial Seasonings Tea Shop Dec02

Black Friday fight erupts at Celestial Seasonings Tea Shop

Sleepytime Drive – Black Friday shopping turned into mayhem at the Celestial Seasonings Tea Shop when a fight broke out over a  discounted family pack of Candy Cane Lane. “We hear a little argument going on in behind the Nutcracker Sweet display, next thing you know, I hear a Taser going off,” said Mary Ann Miller. “Someone really likes the holiday teas.”

Monument “huge honor” says actor Daniel Day-Lewis Nov26

Monument “huge honor” says actor Daniel Day-Lewis

“As you know, I’m a very humble and private person. And while this kind of fanfare is completely unnecessary, I am extremely honored to be recognized this way, both as an actor and as the author of the Emancipation Proclamation,” said Day-Lewis in an interview in his Ireland home. “Let me simply say thank you.”

Hector, the Sea Otter on Frontier plane tail, going around telling everyone that Harriet the Fox is a slut

“You didn’t hear it from me, but Harriet the Fox is a total slutbag,” Hector the Sea Otter has been going around telling ground crew following a bitter split. “Take off those headphones for a second and listen to what I’m saying. I’m only telling you this because you look like a nice person and because I like Harriet and don’t want to see her get hurt. Harriet is a whore and a tramp. You get the picture. A strumpet.”