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Winter catches United Airlines by surprise for 27th straight year

“What people who spend three or four hours on hold waiting for a customer service agent don’t seem to understand that this is just what happens when there is a surprise winter storm,” United’s customer service manager Mike Doyle explained Monday. ”It’s the cosmos way of saying ‘sit back, enjoy whatever godforsaken airport you happen to be stranded in, and try not to let our theme song make you tear your heart out with your bare hands.’” He added, “the good news is that we have a plan for 2018 right here on this floppy disk.”